Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
