Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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