I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
