like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
