ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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