i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
