Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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