Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
