Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
