I didn't shave. On purpose
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
