Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize