What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
