there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Someone signed my nipple.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
