Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
