Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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