I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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