So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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