I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
