Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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