i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
