well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
