So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
