saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she woke up with a sticky ear
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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