i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
