Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
