whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
