I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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