We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
