Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
