I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize