Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
