She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sober January is a disaster.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
