Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
