He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
