I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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