chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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