If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
