So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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