hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
