you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
