Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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