So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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