Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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