If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
