My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My ass is underappreciated
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
