There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think people are normalizing furries
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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