wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
