It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
