well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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