i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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