last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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