i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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