Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
