I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
