im six kinds of drunk right now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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