can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
